Culver's Day at the Cubs and Scared Moments

Before I get started with an update I want to share. I am currently having a God moment right now where He is showing me how dirty I am and how much He has given me in material things. This feels weird to share before I have made sense of it but for some reason I am in the mood to not think about it. I currently have had two VERY distinct times where the Lord wanted to be brought up in conversation and I let that moment come and go with letting God know how unwilling I am to share my rare thoughts of Him. I get so scared that people will judge me but in the end when I walk away, I literally could care less about everything apart of me (thoughts and appearance) from other people. When it comes to my faith, I just turn my cheek and become silent in moments of witnessing. God help me. I am SO sick of this. I feel like the worst friend and daughter when I do this. I am so proud of my earthly mother and could talk endlessly about her wherever I am. Jesus, like the most secret part of my life right now. I get caught up in just being silent when demonic actions and words are shared lately. I have not and pray to not deny Him. That would literally be the worst, obviously; I am headed to that direction though. 

Why do I feel this way? Well, I have been busy before, but I have never been so tired. I literally could sleep continually and be chill for days I feel. Currently I am taking two classes online, working 40 hours a week, volunteering 5 hours a week, commuting 70 minutes a day to work and back, keeping up with my friends and quality time with them, and dating a phenomenal man who walks next to my busyness and just waits for moments to see and talk to me. You may say, "Whatever Laura, you should hear about my life" or "Laura, you are having personal time left and right with your friends, family, and man. Shut up". Here is the thing... I am doing all of this without Christ. How do I see this? I left school excited about/secure in reading the Word at least 5 times a week (I havent sat and read in 2.5 weeks), I get emotional (cry/tear up) whenever I hear about the Lord doing GREAT things in those dedicated to Him, and I have gone back to praying to God when I need healing on someone's life or when I am with others (church/meals). These are HUGE signs in my life that the Lord shows me in order to get my attention. Golly, I look terrible. Do those that God has allowed in His Kingdom stay like this forever? No. Do ALL Christians go through this moment of dirty water? Oh yeah, absolutely. Am I physically tired because I am spiritually drying up my cup? I believe that to be true. I am done now, to those that pray and/or know I have these moments quite often.... here is my Godly heart for you to take in your hearts and thoughts. 

I am going to move on to why I created this blog and to the stories that some of you look forward to. Last weekend I went to Chicago, IL to visit family but initially to work the Culver's Day at the Cubs. This included the personal fun (going on the field for 30 min to watch batting practice and to be 5-10 feet from the "famous" Cubs players) and work items (hosting a 2 hour luncheon to meet franchisees and make them feel important) Just so you know, franchisees deserve ever moment of the Cubs game day due the hard work they do on a consistent/around the clock job they do in the name of Culver's. The day was hot and humid. I have not sweat like that in a VERY long time (I do not excercise and I do not embrace humid areas in life, hence a long time is pretty easy to say).I saw my family whom all of them love their spouses unconditionally and have fun in their spouses lives on a continual basis. I want to have a life like my Chicago family, they figure things out with Christ on their side and have dedicated their lives to their spouses in the name of Jesus. Caleb came with me and met (for the most part) my family and hung out for more than a day. That does not happen very often. We went on golf cart rides, we visited my family all around the Chicago area, and Caleb went on his first train and cab ride. What a baby, literal baby. Caleb is a trooper for the whirlwind travel he did in three days. Other than Culver's day, I have done administrative work at Culver's including calling 100+ restaurants again. Bah!

Spain? I am now to the point where I am starting to mentally prepare to be away from my closests for a long time. I will see some of them throughout my trip via skype or coming to visit (my mom during Turkey Day), I am addicted to the ones closest to me. I love them to pieces but I know that I am able to love life without my securities on this earth. I am able and willing. I started the summer by reading spanish books everyday and now it has been almost a month. I NEED to get on that. For reals. I can read okay but when it comes to conversational Spanish, embarrassing. 

Long Blog. Real Thoughts. Kinda hate this blog but I will embrace being honest, right?